The N Word (Redefining Me #2) Read online

  Trudging through the house, she entered the front room. A velvet carpet sat in the center over the hardwood floor. The most uncomfortable couch they owned rested up against a wide window across from the piano.

  Nari plunked her butt down on the piano bench and slid the fallboard back. She shuffled through the basket of sheet music beside the bench before pulling free the piece she’d spent too little time practicing. She could only imagine Mr. Chen’s pinched expression when she played it for him later this week.

  Settling her fingers against the bone-white keys, she warmed up with a simple melody before diving into the harder piece, cringing when it didn’t sound as it should. She let her arms relax as her fingers flew over the keys. It might not sound as good as it should, but her playing was effortless.

  Playing piano was the only time Nari felt as if she was good at anything. She knew she had talent. For once, she wasn’t the bumbling nerd, the girl who wasn’t going anywhere in life. She didn’t have to try so hard just to be mediocre like in her classes.

  Stillness moved through her, a peace not even Rachmaninoff’s difficult concertos could take from her. It was how she felt on stage. Like she could do anything.

  A floorboard creaked behind her, and her hands froze, the music cutting off. Releasing a shaky breath, she turned on her seat, her eyes finding Avery standing stock-still in the doorway, his eyes burning into her.

  His brow furrowed as if he was confused about something. Nari shifted, sliding the fallboard back into place.

  Avery took a step into the room. “That was…” He shook his head. “I didn’t know you could do that.”

  Nari focused on her hands. “I…um… That wasn’t very good. I haven’t been practicing. Rachmaninoff is above my talent level.” She chewed on her lip, unable to look at him.

  “It was beautiful.”

  Finally, she lifted her eyes to his, the intensity of his gaze making the hair on her arms stand on end.

  The moment broke when Nari’s mother bustled in, her eyes lighting up at the sight of Avery. “Avery, welcome to our home.” She shot Nari a look. “I’m sorry about my daughter. She seems to have forgotten her manners.”

  Avery shrugged, turning on the charm. “No worries, Mrs. Song. Nari doesn’t need manners when she plays like that.”

  “It would be better if she practiced.” Nari had said the same thing, yet embarrassment washed over her at her mother’s critique in front of Avery.

  “Nah.” Avery grinned, placing an arm around her mom’s shoulders. “It was perfect. Just like that smell. Are you baking?”

  An uncharacteristic blush crept up Nari’s mom’s cheeks. “I’m making maejakgwa.”

  Avery fist pumped the air, still not releasing Nari’s mom. “Ginger cookies. My favorite.”

  “I remember. You used to eat my entire batch.” She laughed, and Nari wondered what alien had replaced her mom. “Come, I’ll show you to Nari’s room. You can wait there while she gets some cookies and drinks.”

  “What am I now? His servant?” Neither of them heard her as they continued to chat and walk down the hall.

  What just happened? When they were kids, she and Avery made a habit out of sneaking around to steal her mom’s cookies. It became a game. Her mom always knew, and Nari would be chastised. But never Avery.

  She walked into the kitchen and transferred some cookies from the tray to a plate before grabbing a bottle of seltzer water for herself and a root beer for Avery. Some things you never forgot.

  The dread she’d felt earlier entered her stomach again. When would he kiss her? How would he kiss her? Nari was going to kiss Avery St. Germaine, the boy she’d known her whole life who she was supposed to hate. She waited for the revulsion to come as she pushed open her door, but it was annoyance that hit her as she saw Avery sitting on the edge of her bed next to her open computer.

  That’s right. Avery was nothing more than an annoying neighbor.

  She dropped the plate and plastic bottles on her desk. “Were you on my computer?”

  “No.”

  She couldn’t read the look in his eyes enough to tell if he was lying. Closing her laptop, she picked it up and moved it to her desk before dropping into her desk chair.

  Avery’s brow creased. “You can sit on the bed. I promise I won’t bite.”

  “I’m fine here.” She wished her voice didn’t sound so squeaky.

  “Suit yourself.” He sprawled out across her bed. “Oh shit, that’s comfortable.”

  “Can we, uh, start?”

  He lifted his head to look at her. “Not yet, okay? I’ve had a perfectly shittastic day and could use a few minutes just to chill.”

  Nari rested her chin on the back of the chair, watching as Avery closed his eyes and released a breath. “Why was your day so…crappy?” She didn’t know why she asked. It wasn’t the kind of thing she talked to Avery about. Schoolwork, that was why they were here. Yet, she couldn’t help wondering what could possibly put so much tension in the face of a boy like him.

  “Stop looking at me like that.” He sighed.

  “Like what?”

  “Like you don’t believe someone like me could have a bad day.”

  Something popped into her mind. His father. Although, everyone fought with their parents. Nari couldn’t remember the last time she’d had a real conversation with either of hers. Her dad was too lost in his own brilliant mind, and her mom couldn’t go more than a few sentences without some sort of criticism. But she never had a doubt they loved her.

  Avery rolled onto his stomach to look at her, his shirt riding up to reveal his toned back. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

  Nari averted her eyes. Avery was not attractive.

  Only, he was.

  She’d known that since he hit puberty. She just hadn’t allowed herself to truly look. His high cheekbones gave him a European look. Emerald-green eyes watched everything, saw everything. And his hair…just shaggy enough, making every girl in school want to run their fingers through it.

  “Kiss,” Nari blurted, not quite believing herself.

  “What?” Avery grinned as if he found her highly amusing.

  Nari had to think quickly. “Um…do you like KISS? I was going to put some music on.”

  Avery didn’t bother to hide his laugh. “Nari, you don’t like KISS.”

  “Um, of course, I do?”

  “Was that a question?” He raised an eyebrow.

  Nari turned away from him to open her computer and pull up Spotify. She typed in KISS. She’d never actually listened to them before, and she cringed as a scream echoed out of her speakers.

  Hands landed on her shoulders, squeezing lightly. Avery leaned down, his lips near her ear as he reached forward to type on the keyboard, changing the music to Parachute. “Much more my speed,” he said, lingering over her.

  Nari couldn’t control her own actions as she shot from the chair, her head colliding with his chin.

  Avery released a curse.

  “I’m so sorry.” Nari couldn’t believe she’d done that. “I swear, I’m a hazard to all mankind. I’m such a poop.”

  A laugh burst from Avery’s lips as he continued to rub his chin. “A poop?” He laughed again, clutching his stomach as he bent forward. “You talk like you’re five years old.”

  “I wasn’t allowed to say poop at five.”

  “Oh, I remember.” In her house, they’d had to call it the P word. Surprisingly enough, it was one of the least ridiculous rules her mom had.

  Avery flopped back on the bed. “When the rest of us were discovering curse words, you were still not saying bodily functions.” He lifted his head to meet her gaze. “Do you still do lingual gymnastics to avoid cursing?”

  She sat back in her chair and hugged her arms across her chest. “No.”

  “You keep lying to me, Nari.” He sat up. “Go on. I want to hear you curse.”

  She shook her head.

  “Nari. They’re just words.”
r />   “Yeah, words with bad meanings.”

  “Nah, they mean whatever you want them to. If you’re talking about a female dog, would you say bitch?”

  Nari squirmed in her seat. If she didn’t give in, he’d never stop. She sucked in a breath, lowering her voice. “Bitch.”

  Avery grinned. “Did you mean female dog? Because then it’s not a curse.”

  “No, I meant you.” She clapped a hand over her mouth.

  Avery laughed so hard the bed shook. “I can’t remember the last time I was called a bitch. Shit, yes. Asshole, all the time. Not bitch.”

  “How does it not surprise me that people call you an asshole?”

  “You did it again!” His grin was triumphant. “There’s time to corrupt you yet.”

  Nari leaned back against the edge of her desk. “What if I don’t want to change?”

  At that, Avery’s face shut down. No more laughs. No more smiles. His entire body stiffened. “Sometimes, we don’t get a choice.”

  What just happened? Nari twisted her fingers in the ends of her hair as she studied Avery who suddenly wouldn’t meet her eyes. He’d changed a long time ago from the sweet boy who didn’t care about status or image. He’d only wanted his friends. Then he lost one of them. That had to be it. Cooper’s death, the accident, it forced change on all of them.

  He stared at the ceiling, his face hard as stone, as she stood and slid onto the bed beside him.

  “Avery.” She didn’t know why, but a part of her had to make it better for him. For two years, she’d watched him become a different person. Images of that night flashed through her mind. An accident she saw but hadn’t known would change the lives of people she loved. Avery didn’t move, so she spoke again. “Avery, look at me.”

  Still, he wouldn’t. It wasn’t until she slid her hand into his that Avery turned his head. Ghosts lived in his eyes. She knew Avery only remembered bits and pieces of the accident. He’d been too drunk. But it still haunted him.

  “Are you okay?”

  He squeezed her hand. “Yeah.” Sitting up, he moved from the bed to the chair she’d vacated.

  “Avery, we used to be friends. I won’t pretend we’re anything more than neighbors now, but just know you can talk to me. If it’s about that night…”

  “Jeez, Nari,” Avery snapped. “Do you have to bring that up? You’re right. We aren’t friends, and I don’t want to be. Maybe we should just study.” He stuffed a ginger cookie in his mouth and eyed her textbooks.

  His words bit into Nari, and she no longer had any desire to study with him. Avery was a jerk of the biggest kind. “I think you should go.”

  He swallowed. “What? We had a deal. I’ll help you study.”

  “No. You’re right. This isn’t going to work when we can barely stand each other. You can take the cookies with you. I don’t care. Just go.”

  She climbed off the bed and walked to the window, keeping her back to him.

  “I…”

  “Leave.” She didn’t know where her anger came from, but at that moment, it was all she had. Avery could barely stand to be in her presence. He made that clear. She was just the nerdy girl he seemed to think he could use to make the cheerleader jealous.

  “No.” His voice was rough.

  Nari turned on her heel, ready to confront him, not realizing he stood behind her. Her chest collided with his, and she sucked in a breath. His green eyes bore into her as he reached a hand up to straighten her glasses.

  “Avery.” She hated the desperation in her voice, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as the tears building in her eyes. He’d abandoned her once Cooper died. Not only that, he’d turned into a person she didn’t recognize. One who made fun of people like her. She hated him for it. An angry tear tracked down her cheek. “I want you to go.”

  Avery gave a tiny shake of his head, inching closer. His pupils dilated. “Not before I do this.”

  His mouth descended on hers so fast she didn’t know what was happening. Nari’s lips stilled as he pressed a soft kiss to them. When she didn’t respond, he started to pull back. Her hands moved of their own accord, winding around the back of his neck.

  She had no idea what she was doing, but her lips mimicked his movements, parting just enough for him to take control. His hands ran down her back, stopping just above her butt, as he held her in place.

  She pressed herself closer, and a moan sounded low in his throat.

  Avery’s tongue touched hers, and Nari jumped back out of his arms, her chest heaving. What was that?

  Avery’s bewildered eyes met hers, looking just as unsure as she felt.

  “Uh, we forgot the camera.” His voice shook.

  Oh, right. The camera. That was why he did it. Nari had almost allowed herself to forget Avery’s self-serving reasons for kissing her in the first place. She removed her glasses, not wanting to see him, and cleaned them on her shirt.

  She resisted the urge to touch her lips, to let herself think about her very first kiss. Avery St. Germaine. It would take a while to wrap her head around the fact it was him.

  Avery crossed the room to where he’d put his phone on her desk, returning to her only a moment later. “I know the deal was one kiss, but…”

  “But you need a picture.” She sighed.

  He nodded.

  Nari pushed down her nerves, focusing on his lips and the way they tugged up into the sexiest half smile. No! Avery was not sexy. He was a means to an end. Passing her exams. Graduating high school. Getting out of Twin Rivers.

  She nodded once and planted her feet in front of him.

  Avery held out his phone to capture them both and shuffled closer, his free hand gripping her hip, and pulled her to him. This time when he kissed her, it contained none of the fire she’d felt moments before. There was no desperation. No groans or need to be closer.

  They pressed their lips together just long enough for him to snap the picture and then jumped apart. Avery typed into his phone, probably sending the picture to the girl he really wanted to kiss.

  Nari sat on the corner of her bed, feeling more inadequate than she ever had.

  Avery slid his phone into his pocket. “Ready to study?”

  She only shook her head.

  “Nari.”

  “Not tonight, okay? Another night.”

  Avery’s lips pursed, and he looked almost…disappointed? “You still want me to leave after—”

  “Yes.”

  His jaw clenched. “Sure, Nari. Whatever you want.” He didn’t even bother to take the cookies she knew he loved as he left her room behind.

  Nari laid back, flinching at the sound of the front door slamming shut. She had to be imagining things. Avery had seemed…hurt. And she didn’t know why. There was a time she could read him better than anyone.

  But those kids grew up. They became different people, ones who had nothing in common.

  She barely heard the music anymore as every word Avery said over the last hour rang in her ears.

  It was beautiful.

  There’s time to corrupt you yet.

  Sometimes we don’t get a choice.

  She didn’t bother to change into pajamas or wish her mom goodnight. She wanted to just forget the entire evening and let herself sink into sleep.

  She didn’t know what time it was when the ringing of her phone woke her. She groped around the bed, looking for her phone. Once she found it underneath her pillow, she answered it without looking at the screen.

  “Nari!”

  Nari groaned at the volume of Peyton’s voice. “Yeah?”

  “Were you going to tell me?” She huffed.

  “Tell you what?” Nari rubbed her eyes, noticing the light coming in from her window. “What time is it?”

  “Don’t you change the subject, Nari Won Song.” She could picture Peyton twisting her hands in her long hair and tapping her foot.

  Nari held the phone away from her face, waiting a moment for her eyes to focus on the screen. Six a.m.. Too ear
ly. She had at least another half hour before she had to get up to dress for school.

  “Peyton.” She groaned. “It’s way too early for me to guess what you’re talking about.”

  “You and Avery.” She said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

  “What about me and Avery?” She sat up at that, her mind clearing.

  “Check Facebook, and then tell me you’re not hiding anything from me.”

  Nari sighed and scooted to the end of her bed to reach toward her desk for her computer. Flipping it open, she pulled Facebook up. “What am I looking for exactly?”

  “Meghan’s page.” That sent a wave of unease over Nari.

  “I don’t think I’m friends with Meghan.”

  “Oh, don’t you worry. She made it public.”

  Nari’s hands flew over the keys, and as soon as Meghan’s page came up, she saw it. The picture of her and Avery kissing was posted front and center at the top of her page, and she’d tagged Twin Rivers High, meaning everyone would see it.

  Her blood ran cold. This wasn’t the deal. They were supposed to make Meghan jealous, not show the entire school.

  “Do you see it?” Peyton asked. Nari had almost forgotten she was there.

  “Yeah, Pey, I see it.”

  “I’m annoyed you wouldn’t tell me you had the hots for Avery, but that isn’t the issue at hand. I want to shove that comment from Meghan down her throat and make her choke on it.”

  Nari almost told her to calm down. Violence wasn’t like Peyton. But then she saw the words she hadn’t noticed before. Under the photo there was a caption.

  Avery has always loved community service. #BeautyAndTheNerd #WashYourMouthOut

  Nari slammed the computer shut as soon as she saw the number of comments under the picture. She wouldn’t let herself read them.

  “Peyton.” A sob clogged in her throat. If anyone knew what it was like to be ridiculed at Twin Rivers High, it was Nari’s best friend.

  “I’m sorry, Nari. Even if I think you’re insane for letting Avery anywhere near you… Even if I want to lock you up and knock some sense into you for wanting to date him—”

  “Pey, I don’t want to date him.”

  Peyton was quiet for a moment before she spoke again, her voice low. “Did he force you to kiss him?”