Love is a Drum Beat (Rockstars Anonymous) Read online

  She’d exhausted the romcoms on Netflix, but they made her cry anyway, and she was done crying. There was no such thing as the kind of romance the movies portrayed, no such thing as true love.

  Jo had dated a lot, much more than the guys in the group who’d once seemed allergic to anything serious. She’d never tell anyone this, but she’d searched for true love. Most of the guys were nice, but she didn’t want nice. She’d wanted explosiveness, passion.

  Jo didn’t do anything the easy way. Most of the time, she was rude and sarcastic, and a lot of people didn’t like her. Except the fans. For some reason she couldn’t figure out, they loved the rebellious drummer—probably for the same reasons they’d continued loving Noah through all his antics and scandals. They wanted to be entertained. Good performers with perfect lives were boring.

  They wanted bad.

  Leaning back on her bed, Jo looked down at the stomach she’d started getting used too. Was this bad enough for the fans?

  She reached for the book on her bedside table. It was about what to expect in childbirth, and Jo almost wished she’d never read it. Childbirth sounded… disgusting, painful. But at the end of it, she’d have her baby alien. She hadn’t told anyone that she was kind of excited for that part. Her friends saw her hiding as her avoiding what was coming, but they were wrong.

  She didn’t want to share any of this with the media, with the world.

  “I’m going to break the cycle.” The cycle that was the Jackson legacy. Her dad wasn’t the only bad parent in the bunch. His parents before him were no different.

  It was like a sickness. Jacksons couldn’t help being crappy parents.

  Except she could. She closed her eyes. “I promise.”

  She had something her father and his parents never had: a support system, people who would make sure she always did what was right, people who’d love the baby as much as her.

  Reaching for her phone, she realized she’d left it out on the table and let out a curse. “Oh crap, baby, don’t listen.” She’d have to clean up her language.

  She turned her attention back to the book. As awful as it was to read, she needed to keep going. There’d been no birthing classes for her since she refused to leave the apartment. She paid good money for her doctor to come to her for appointments rather than venturing out.

  But she couldn’t focus. With a groan, she put the book down. The boredom was real. She was used to spending her time on tours or preparing for concerts. Life as a drummer was always busy, always moving.

  Noah had sent her a few songs to work out a drum part to. But the music was out in the living room.

  “Why does everything have to be so far away?” Her back ached as she used all her strength to roll from the bed.

  She fetched her phone off the table and walked around the couch to lower herself. Well, to try to lower herself. There was no graceful way to do it, and she sort of just collapsed onto the cushions.

  Eyeing the sheet music on the coffee table, she unlocked her phone to text Noah.

  Jo: I just realized something.

  Noah took no time to reply.

  Noah: Good for you?

  Jo: We’re going to be raising kids together.

  It was still weird to Jo that Noah had a little girl in his care. She never would have imagined him taking on the role of a dad, but he was surprisingly good at it.

  Noah: You’re going to love it, Joey. I promise.

  That was the thing. She knew she’d love being a mom—even in her crazy world—but she still had doubts that she could keep a living, breathing kid alive.

  Noah: I know what you’re thinking. Stop it.

  Jo: You a mind reader now?

  Noah: I just know you. You are not your parents.

  Jo: I know.

  Noah: We’ve got this. You and me. Have we ever let each other down?

  Jo smiled. The answer to that was an easy no. For so long, they’d had each other and no one else, but now everything was changing.

  Jo: Not yet.

  She put her phone aside and looked over the songs he’d sent. They were good, better than good. Noah was a talented songwriter. His words held a poetry. Jo’s job was to put the heart into the songs, the passion.

  She eyed her drum set across the room. It had been more than a month since she could sit on that stool, and her fingers itched to hit something. Drumming was how Jo released her anxieties, her rage. It tempered her, allowing her more control over her emotions.

  She tapped out a beat on the arm of the couch, but it wasn’t the same. Frustration warred in her. With a growl, she forced herself to stand and march toward the drums. She sat on the stool that now seemed much smaller and less stable than it had before. Picking up her drumsticks, she leaned forward as far as her belly let her. It wasn’t close enough, so she stretched out her arms to start the song.

  Nothing had ever come so naturally to Jo as the beat of a drum. She wasn’t good at anything else, but this… this she could do.

  She tried to reach the cymbals but overextended herself and lost her balance, falling sideways off the stool. Her arms flailed, trying to catch her. When her shoulder slammed into the ground, pain rocketed up her arm.

  “Ow.” She tried to push herself up, but it was no use. There had to be some sad sort of irony in Jo falling and not getting up. Tears gathered in her eyes, but not from the pain. There was no one coming to help her, no one in this city who even cared. The one person Jo let herself rely on was an ocean away. The father of her baby was more worried about bad press than her.

  She was deeply and utterly alone.

  Jo wiped at her face. She’d been through too many hardships in her life to break down over a fall.

  But it wasn’t about the fall.

  Her chest shook as a sob escaped.

  A knock on the door had her head jerking up. “God, is that you?” She meant it as a joke, sort of. She lifted her voice. “If you think I’m getting up to open that door, you’re an idiot.” She didn’t know who it was, but she didn’t care. “If you’re a burglar, I can’t stop you. But if you’re not, the door is unlocked. Come in and help me.”

  The building was more secure than any place she’d lived, so whoever was on the other side of the door made it past security. The door opened. Jo’s gaze fell on the nerdy, all-white tennis shoes before traveling up dad jeans and a light green polo shirt to land on a familiar face.

  Dax lurched forward when he saw her.

  “I changed my mind,” she groaned. “You can go. I’ll get up on my own.”

  “Jo.” Dax’s brow furrowed. “What happened?”

  She couldn’t turn him away with the genuine look of concern on his face. “What does it look like?”

  He grabbed her arm. “Let’s get you up.”

  Jo didn’t know where this version of Dax came from, the in-charge, caring one. She let him help her to her feet and lead her over to the couch. She sank onto it with a sigh of relief. “What are you doing here, Dax?” She pushed down her embarrassment.

  He didn’t sit. Instead, he turned away to survey her apartment. What was he thinking? It wasn’t near as nice as his house, but then, she made a fraction of what he did. Why did she care what he saw?

  “I like your place.”

  She laughed at that. “Sure you do.”

  He pulled at his collar, a nervous tick he had.

  “Dax.” She didn’t have patience for his nervousness. “Why are you here?”

  He lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “Y-you…” He sucked in a breath. “I thought you might need me.”

  4

  Dax

  “I thought you might need me.”

  Man, he was an idiot. The emotions flashing across Jo’s face ranged from indignation to pity. Pity for him? Because he was delusional enough to think someone as strong as her needed him?

  Jo sucked in a steadying breath as if it was the only thing keeping the biting words at bay. What was it about this girl that turned him back into
the teenage boy with too much acne and nerdy glasses?

  Even as a teen, people loved his music, but they never loved him. Not really. Most didn’t understand him. It wasn’t until Melanie forced him into Rockstars Anonymous that he made friends in this business.

  And Jo… he imagined her as a teenager. Rebellious. Confident. The kind of girl who always got what she wanted.

  For Dax, the only people in his corner were his mom and stepdad. People who had to love him.

  Maybe he deserved Jo’s pity.

  She pursed her lips as she studied him. What did she see?

  “Noah sent me.” The blurted words were only partially true. He’d have come to check on her whether Noah was worried or not, but Noah was his shield, protecting Jo from the knowledge he wanted to be there for her.

  Jo lifted one dark brow. “Well, we all do whatever Noah wants, right? You can go report that I’m doing well, thank you. I don’t need him sticking his nose into my business when he isn’t even here.”

  “You’re not doing well.” He pulled at the back of his neck. “Jo… I found you on the floor.”

  “I was napping.” She shrugged. “You know… yoga napping. It’s all the rage right now. You do awkward poses on the ground and see which one lets you sleep. Then, you wake up feeling sore, and it clears your mind of all your other troubles because you’re in so much pain.”

  Dax didn’t know what to say to that. Was she joking or lying? Yoga napping, was that a thing? He was out of touch with pretty much every other famous person. He loved yoga, but good, old-fashioned yoga with no naps.

  A laugh burst out of Jo. “Dude! Did you actually believe me? You’re kind of hopeless. And yes, I appreciate you showing up like a weird stalker and helping me up off the floor.”

  “Why wasn’t your door locked?” He cringed as he realized how like his stepdad he sounded.

  “It’s fine, Dad.” She shook her head. “This building is secure. Though, they let you up, so I’ll have to chat with security. You sort of scream stalker.”

  His brow furrowed as he looked down at his clothing and ran a hand through his dark hair. “Really?”

  “Gah, you’re too easy. I can’t even take pleasure in razzing you. It’s like taking candy from Noah.”

  “Isn’t it supposed to be taking candy from a baby?”

  “Yes.” She crossed her arms. “But Noah is an easier target, and he usually has more candy. I would kill for some Milk Duds right about now.”

  “Do you… should I go get you some?” He’d do anything in that moment to make the awkwardness stop. It was entirely his fault. Jo didn’t care enough to be awkward around anyone.

  “Dax.” She laughed. “That wasn’t me asking you to go to the store. I have food here. I do understand why people want to get married before the baby though.”

  “Because they’re in love?”

  She scoffed at that. “No. Cravings, Dax. Cravings. If you’re married, you have someone to order around when you’re pregnant.”

  “I don’t think that’s how marriage works.” He’d seen it with his parents. They respected and loved each other. Sure, they both took care of the other, but they never demanded anything. He always hoped someday, he’d find a relationship like theirs.

  “Well, it should. Last night, I wanted a cheeseburger, so I had to order it to be delivered. They took almost an hour, and it was cold by the time it got to me. If I had a husband, I’d have warm cheeseburgers.” Her eyes glassed over, and she covered them with her hand. “Oh my gosh, don’t look at me. I can’t control it. Jo Jackson doesn’t cry. Ugh! You need to go.”

  He couldn’t leave her like this, not even when she wanted him to. Gathering the bit of courage he rarely found around Jo, he sat on the arm of the couch. “I don’t think I will.”

  “We aren’t friends, Dax.”

  Her words pained him, even if he knew they were true. Jo was the enigma of the group, the girl no one other than Noah quite knew. “You’re allowed to cry, Jo. I’m sure you were very disappointed in the cheeseburger.”

  She chucked a pillow at him. “I’m not crying about a stupid cheeseburger, weirdo.”

  “But you…” He didn’t understand women at all.

  “The cheeseburger was a metaphor.”

  “So, you didn’t have one?” He didn’t get it.

  “No, I did. You know what? Never mind. Seriously, Dax. You should go.”

  He couldn’t get the image of her on the video chat out of his mind. She looked slightly better now, but something must have happened before the call.

  “Are you eating enough? Sleeping enough?”

  “If I answer, will you leave?”

  He shrugged.

  She sighed. “Yes and yes. All I do is eat and sleep. And try to play the drums, but I’m sort of in a fight with my drum set right now.”

  “Are you taking vitamins? Do you have a go bag packed or a plan for when the baby comes? Do you know how you’ll get to the hospital?”

  She stared at him, her eyes wide. “Who are you?”

  “My mom is a neonatologist. She likes to tell me things I have no desire to know.”

  Jo froze the moment he mentioned his mom, and a tear streaked down her cheek. “I… I don’t have anyone, Dax.” The confession seemed to deflate her. “There’s no one to call. I’ll get a cab when it’s time.”

  “No one? There isn’t anyone who can help?”

  She shook her head. “Not all of us have moms who like to talk to us. The only two people I’d call—Noah and Mel—may or may not be in town then. Noah promised to make it in time, but what if I go into labor before he gets back?”

  “What about Blake?” He hated the idea that Blake Coleman now had a connection to Jo. He’d only met the guy once, but it was enough.

  Jo let out a harsh laugh and struggled to push herself to her feet. Dax jumped forward to help her. Once she was steady, he let go.

  She walked toward the kitchen table and reached for a paper. “You mean this Blake Coleman?” She extended the document toward him, and he took it.

  At first, he wasn’t sure what he was reading. Then, his eyes widened as he looked from the document to Jo. Blake wanted to make sure no one knew the baby was his. “Are you going to sign it?”

  She hugged her arms across her chest. “Already did. I won’t force him to help me. It’s better if I do this on my own.”

  On her own? Was that how Jo saw her future? In Rockstars Anonymous, Drew and Noah were already calling Jo’s baby theirs. Dax hadn’t voiced it, but he was excited for Jo’s kid. He loved kids and had an easier time relating to them than most adults. Stella was proof of that. Dax had clicked with Noah’s niece instantly.

  “Jo.” He stepped toward her, but she stepped back.

  “I’m okay, Dax. Really. You don’t need to worry about me. I have been on my own since I was seventeen. I’m used to taking care of myself. I know you think I need you, but I am not your burden. I refuse to be a burden to anyone.”

  “Jo—”

  “No. I mean it.” She rested a hand on her stomach. “This time, I won’t be alone though. I’m good. I swear. You can leave and get on with your life. We barely know each other, Dax. Being members of Rockstars Anonymous doesn’t change that.”

  But he wanted to know her. How could she not see that? Since the moment Dax walked into the first Rockstars Anonymous meeting and caught sight of Jo, he’d needed to know what made her tick, what made her feel. She was angry and damaged from whatever had happened in her life. Fame and money didn’t wash away the past.

  And still, he listened to every word she said, watched every action she made. He knew she fiddled with her hair when she was nervous. But she was rarely nervous. Her widest smiles were reserved for Noah, her person. The guarded look in her eyes never went away.

  He knew her.

  And he didn’t.

  “Dax?”

  “Yeah?” He met her gaze.

  “Will you…” She sucked in a breath. “
Will you keep this NDA just between us? I don’t need Noah and Drew coming back just to give Blake a thrashing.”

  He’d do anything she asked. His head nodded of its own accord. “It’s our secret.”

  At those words, she graced him with a rare smile, and he lost the battle with his own heart. Jo Jackson was the kind of girl he could fall in love with.

  But he was nervous, awkward Dax Nelson. He doubted she’d ever give him the chance to love her like she deserved.

  5

  Jo

  Rock stars weren’t supposed to fan girl.

  Yet… days had passed since Dax Nelson stood in Jo’s living room, and she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. His music played from her Bluetooth speaker, a beautiful mix of instruments. The world loved Dax, but more than that, they loved his music. It was no secret he played each instrument himself. Jo tried guitar once before going right back to her drums.

  Some people knew their place.

  Others chose it.

  Dax was a man who never questioned his ability to make music in any form, and it showed.

  And what of the mystery? What would the world think of the Dax Nelson she sort of knew? He didn’t need to keep up a persona like the rest of them. Jo with her pink-tipped hair and leather jacket, Noah with his ripped jeans and practiced grins. All of them had parts of themselves they showed to the world.

  Except Dax.

  In a way, he was a mystery to her as well. He hadn’t gone to London with Drew and Ben, but she assumed it was because he had prior commitments. Noah said he stayed in case Jo needed anything, but she wasn’t sure she believed that.

  She wasn’t used to people caring about her.

  Dax barely knew her, yet he showed up at her door to check on her.